*Ask Martin*: your Love, Sex and Relationship questions answered (#1)

“….I recognize the truth of your answer because of the way your reply feels in my body…

It washes through me like cool, clear water and I feel myself breathe more deeply

and become aware of that openness and that flow that is always there

when I relax and allow myself to feel it there.” ~Giselle

Giselle did not ask an easy question that needed only a short – bite sized – easy – to – manage response. In fact none of the questions I have been asked are easy…they speak most directly and candidly to the aching darkness that is lurking just below the surface…below the pieces of us that want to look good and appear that we have it all together. 

These answers are intended to slow everything down for just a bit, because when we move too fast with the unrelenting hustle and bustle of overwhelm and overload, we miss the possibilities of connection that are waiting to happen. 

In  preparation for my event next Saturday on May 10th, I have asked the community what questions they are facing around love, sex and relationships. Over the next few days, (with their full permission and using pseudonyms ) I will be sharing with you their heartfelt questions, my best answers and their response.

 If you slow down just enough to read this, you will see yourself in these questions……you will begin to feel yourself in the answers. I hope that you are challenged and awakened, even just a little bit, to what else is possible and find value for your time spent here. 

If you know you are ready to join us this Saturday to get your questions answered you can register here: 



Question #1:

Thank you for inviting the questions, Martin. The essence of my personal relationship question is this…how can I be authentically open to receiving from a man without having to be inauthentic by giving up or hiding aspects of me that are powerful, wild and independent? 

As a single mom for the past 10 years, I’ve spent most of my life taking care of everyone around me. I tend to draw men who also want me to take care of them – financially and/or emotionally. I’m good at nurturing those around me, but it’s exhausting sometimes. 

And the part of me that I don’t know how to share is the part of me that longs so deeply to be held and taken care of by a man. When I try to share this part of me with men, it often confuses them in contrast to the “external” stuff in my life (e.g. finances, career, confidence, energy) – which is also a vital and vibrant part of me. 

It seems like men are either scared of my independence/success; or put off by the more vulnerable/softer side of me. How do I attract someone who is open to me being ALL of this? Willing to respect and admire me for my strength and energy and accomplishments; and at the same time willing to create a safe place for me to not have it all together all the time and to be held and nurtured and kept safe in his arms? Would love your input and hope that my question is helpful to you in your work 



Thank you for asking Giselle…here’s how it looks to me:

The “whole” of you, which has always been there, (and there is, of course, so much more!), is now open and able to call out to him.

There is a call that we men hear from Woman. Just like in the animal kingdom. For any number of reasons that have and have not served you, the call to Man that you have been making has attracted a certain type of man.  And, there was  j u s t  enough difference in each of them, to keep you interested and hopeful that *this one* was going to be different than the others that really just superficially, and in a time limited way, covered the deep similarities they all shared. This is the kind of man that you were ready for during this period of life. 

Here’s what else I know about you and it’s very exciting. You have done so much work (yay Tantra and Charu!) on connecting you to you. You have dropped deeper into your body where the Truth of you lives and have let your mind be quieter. Actually, you turned the volume up so loud in your body, your mind has had no choice but to quiet down and as a result, you have discovered, “more of you”:

**the “more of you” that you have always been afraid to express and are ready to today… 

**the “more of you” that now  c a n n o t  stay quiet which is showing up with your clarity of desiring and co – creating another type of partnership that will empower you instead of disempower you… 

This is a different call….a different call that will attract a different man. Not because you say it is a different call….it is because it *is* a different call. 

The men who used to be attracted to you, and that you drew to you, will not be able to hear your new call. This new call of yours is on a whole new frequency and will land on the ears of the man who can, and is willing to, meet you where you are standing and call you further into your brilliance. (by the way, this is also the gift you offer to him. A terrific benefit of a strong relationship is that each partner calls the best of the other to the forefront!)

Good news: You are now operating at a different level and will therefore, quite naturally attract a truly different man which will offer you a whole new and different set of rewards and challenges! It’s very exciting!!

More good news: Your question of ” How do I attract someone who is open to me being ALL of this?” becomes moot. It is already happening…there is nothing for you to do except to relax into ALL of you. This relaxation is another very attractant quality for us men. For me, I cannot help but feel an openness toward a woman who literally shines and glows while owning and standing strongly in the fullness of her feminine power. 

When there is contraction or fear of this ownership there will be an internal tightness. Where there is tightness =  less flow = less Giselle. 

 Your relaxation allows for more flow  = more openness = more attractant = more Giselle!! (and *this* is your call to man)

 By the way, and most personally, over the last year I have watched you bloom and flower into more of your magnificence. It is brilliant and inspiring. I have told you this several times and it is not my style to make this stuff up….I can hear you differently….You have everything you need….continue to nourish the relationship you are having with you and own your value and gifts. It is all falling into place!

 Thank you for your question Giselle and I hope you find value in my response.


Want *your* questions answered? 

Join us Saturday, May 10th 7pm – 10 pm

West LA (Near Playa Vista)

$47 per person/ $37 early registration by Friday May 2


Register here: https://vxf90638.infusionsoft.com/app/manageCart/showManageOrder;jsessionid=EFD8EDB005C7C1564F11CCAA2855423F


Special Couples rate: $74/ $65 early registration by Friday May 2

Couples Register here:https://vxf90638.infusionsoft.com/app/manageCart/showManageOrder


*Address given upon registration. A Facebook RSVP does not guarantee you a space at this event, please use the payment link to complete your registration. 

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