Peace of mind…calm…stillness….the topics life brought to me on numerous occasions last week:
I was talking to a man I know very well yesterday. He is intelligent, well spoken, a self employed contractor and rock solid. I listened as he was quite anxiously telling me about how often, to his detriment, he gets pulled in so many different directions…something about always dealing with a 600 lb gorilla! ( a problem ) Without actually saying so, he is searching / longing for a sense of peace primarily in his work but also in his life. He looked upset and frustrated and I could feel everything he was saying…I could relate to him. His job is challenging, he has responsibilities to many people and time is often working against him with deadlines. About 4 years ago, I had the same issues with my work and, being a human being, I too felt occasionally overwhelmed and frustrated.
I remember when every day that I went into work, I knew that there were several 600 lb gorillas ( sometimes the gorillas brought friends!) waiting for me and for awhile I wondered how it was that I got into this situation.(a problem) My inner voice would sometimes ask, ‘why don’t I have a job with less responsibility, less stress and fewer problems?’ Then I remembered that when I interviewed for this job, I was told / warned how challenging this position was. Naturally I said with active interviewee enthusiasm, “I love challenge…bring it on!” …and it is genuinely true that I do love challenge.
The expression, “be careful what you ask for” immediately comes to mind… ! True to their word, this job on an almost daily basis greatly challenged me and rather than succumb to the pressure and endlessly pull out what ever hair I had left, I came back to remembering that *this* is what I asked for! This clarity brought me to a place that reminded me that I chose to be there and then I was able to *embrace* the challenges, as opposed to being weakened by them despite how uncomfortable I was. ( no problem )
This no problem result allowed me to further embrace an increased and palpable feeling of being alive…that I was being compelled to lean into the edge of discomfort to handle the challenges that I had asked for (!) which would invariably make me a stronger man. Living life on this edge was causing me to vibrate at a higher level thereby attracting a higher quality / level of life ultimately yielding greater benefits and rewards. Having *high quality* problems / challenges is not a bad thing. Considering the cost vs. benefit equation, the benefits of living this life on the edge far outweighed the cost of this discomfort. ( no problem )
It also fell under the heading that my job was serving my Higher Purpose which is: To make a Positive Difference in the Lives of Others. Why do anything in life that I do not choose to do? Why do anything in life that does not serve my Higher Purpose? With all this clarity, the stress that these challenges surrounding work brought would decrease leaving me with a sense of calm and peace that served me, and therefore others, for the years that I worked there. ( no problem )
It’s no mystery that man is looking for peace and calm. How do we men get to that place? By our nature we are restless and wary. Only the strong survive is a well known saying. How do we brush aside the self sabotage and self judgment that keeps us trapped in the potentially never ending cycle of problem, problem, problem?
I submit that when a man knows:
• who he is
• where he is going
• and what he will fight for
…….. he will be able to see that the smaller distracting problems in his life, which include self sabotage and self judgment, will disappear and his larger problems in life are embraced because they will be *high quality* problems borne of :
• of a Higher Context,
• Living Life on the Edge
• and living a Higher Purpose life
……….and therefore are worth having!
During the last Sunday Men’s Circle after doing a powerful meditation one of the men, who has been a regular participant for the last 7 months, came to a striking realization. Like many men, he is hobbled by his past painful life experiences that in many ways have formed who he is today. Unfortunately, he has been in his head and operating from a standpoint that he is fucked up and needs fixing ( a problem ). Recently he showed great courage, by separating from his regular job to jump out in life and follow his passion as a film director. He is also successfully working with the program I present to men regarding integrating Core Masculine Principles. As his hands were clenched in front of his chest, his realization was this: “Because I know more about who I am, where I am going and what I will fight for, I no longer have to keep looking / focusing inwards to try to fix myself…now I can look out ( arms now broadly outstretched in front ) and enjoy what life is offering me… it’s really that simple!” You could hear a pin drop as he was occurring so grounded, peaceful and still. ( no problem )
Many men complain about their volatile women ( a problem ). Instead of it being a problem that distracts you, why not change your context for Woman to allow and embrace her volatility and then be able see the possibility that as volatile as she is, she is also very passionate. How fortunate you are to have a woman who is not so quiet that she presents no challenge!? Every man at his depth prefers a challenge over complacency, yes?! It’s true, this kind of woman is more “work” but the joys in life worth working for are the joys in life that are worth having. ( no problem )
My friend the contractor, anxiously dealing with his stresses resembling a 600 lb gorilla, as a possibility can remember that he not only chose this line of work but he could shift his context from ‘there are so many problems that are driving me crazy’ to / or create a higher purpose that, for example, looks something like: “I build beautiful homes with unparalleled attention that will hold families comfortably while they raise their children and grandchildren.” If *this* is what drives him, than the small problems of time management and building supply issues etc. will take a back seat and be less distracting and allow him to experience the kind of peace and calm he desires amidst the storm. ( no problem )
I believe that choice is key here. In this country we are so fortunate to have as many choices as we do. We can choose our line of work, our women and the direction of our lives. By the way, this may mean, in part, only changing / shifting your context or redefining your Higher Purpose. It could also include choosing a different line of work or a different woman.
Therefore, and by default:
• we are in charge of our happiness
• we will have peace
• we will feel calm and still. ( no problem )
Every week in the Sunday Men’s Circle, hosted here in Los Angeles, we awaken the body and get of our heads using simple, yet dynamic, meditations. We spend time discussing the Core Masculine Principles and how it is possible to uncover and embrace our true and unique essence as Man. With this awareness, we can live a life of ease and grace and then be open to experiencing the magnificence of Woman ( no problem!)
I would love your feedback……Let your voice be heard!