Men are territorial creatures. We like to claim territory. At our most simple and basic, this is one thing that we do. We have even claimed territory that is not even ours and often choose what territory to claim based on the anticipated ferocity, or absence, of resistance. Claiming territory is man’s notice to the world that *this* is mine.
• *this* is my home…
• *this* is my car…
• *this* is my office…
• *this* is my country
• *this* is my life, etc….
Some will even claim *this* is my woman….
In your territory, you will plant a few stakes. These stakes serve as boundaries, or borders, for the container that holds all that happens within. The careful placement and quality of each stake sets up the answers to the following questions regarding, where have you planted your stakes?
• Will you be indiscriminate and unconscious or will you be honorable and strive to make it better than you found it?
• Are you trustworthy?
• Do you even know who you are now, or who you will be, as you negotiate this space?
• Where is the line you draw where you lose your balance and you either overextend yourself or allow others to take from you?
• How hard will you fight to keep this territory?
This territory I talk about is rich and vast. Not by geographical, or other objective measurement, but occurring everyday in our very real lives. Believe it or not, these are questions that your business partners, employer, employees, wife / girlfriend, your children and your community are asking and subsequently being answered by your actions…. whether you know it or not.
Just consider your life; In your actions, have you planted a stake that fosters a thriving with:
• Clarity
• Honor
• Commitment
• Keeping your word
• Trusting relationships
• Compassion
And consider, conversely; In your actions, have you planted a stake that fosters a surviving small mindedness with:
• Paralyzing indecisiveness
• Judgment of others
• Selfishness
• Lack of commitment
• Untrustworthiness
• Dishonor
That you have / will claim any territory, no matter its scope, you can choose to either thrive with the others around you in harmony or be in the distraction of surviving small mindedness cloaked with uncertainty and strife.
If you are a man who is operating under the thriving model noted above, you may notice that your life is occurring with a certain ease. For example, in your work environment, your ability to apply excellence is understood and welcome. Other men may even look up to you as an example for how it is done. The company is profitable, you are well compensated and new exciting opportunities for growth exist. I would venture an educated guess that this man is experiencing ease in other areas of his life too.
In contrast, this certain ease is something I didn’t experience as a younger man. At the time, I didn’t know who I was or what I would / could stand for and everyone around me knew it. Consequently, life was a challenge. The word ease was nowhere near the top of my list. Rites of passage I suppose, but still grueling for all involved. Surviving small mindedness was unfortunately the way I held my territory as I planted stakes that promoted more disharmony than harmony. In fact, I was clueless to even knowing that I didn’t even know who I was and that I was responsible for the results I had created! I definitely knew I was uncomfortable and challenged but I had no awareness that it was possible to correct.
One of the men I worked with privately, presented with some confusion in the relationship part of his life. As we discovered, he had yet to plant an important stake around his relationship with his woman. He smokes pot and has for many years even before they got together. She doesn’t smoke. He has a story that it works for him. He feels more creative, more alive and less inhibited and yet, his woman was feeling uneasy because she felt he was not present, especially in bed. She would tell him how there was so much more available to them both when he was not high. So instead of quitting, he reluctantly agreed to ‘cut back’… but he is secretly smoking on the side more times than he admits. He was lying to his woman even though he could have easily planted a stake in the ground by choosing to continue smoking pot whenever he wanted and risk losing the relationship. Even though he hadn’t been caught, there was just a general uneasiness in the air as if there were a part of her that knew the truth. He was torn.
Did he want to keep smoking pot and plant his stake there, perhaps letting go of the relationship which may not have been in alignment with his lifestyle? Or, were the benefits of the relationship enough for him to plant a stake that chose to let go of the pot smoking in order to support a life of growing deeper with this woman?
As soon he was able to get clarity around how he wanted to hold the territory he had claimed as a man in relationship with woman, then she was able to relax and surrender into the newly identified borders, further defining the safe container which allowed her to relax and open up just that much more. He just had to plant a stake in the ground illustrating, with as few words a possible, where he stood.
Plant your stakes…take a stand…draw a line in the sand…do whatever it takes to own the territory you claim. If you are going to claim it, do it justice by doing it well. Know that you are choosing the results where you either thrive or survive small mindedly within a life that includes not only yourself, but our children, our women, our community and our country.
In the Men’s Tantra Circle, we spend time identifying what stakes need to be planted so that men live a life of ease and grace. These stakes are a custom fit to each man and built on his own unique foundation. The Tantric meditations and exercises around the Core Masculine Principles provide the framework for each man to build all that illustrates and announces his authentic self …his Truth to the world.
I would love your comments….let your voice be heard!
New Information:
• Based on several requests, starting Feb 2nd, I am adding a Wednesday evening in Culver City to the MTC schedule. (That means 2 Men’s Tantra Circles each week; Sundays and Wednesdays.)
That being said, there will not be the MTC this Sunday Jan 30th as I will be out of town.
Next time we meet will be this Wednesday, February 2, 2011 from 7:30 pm until 9:00 pm
Location: an indoor location in Culver City
The next Sunday we meet: February 6th from 11:00 am until 12:40 pm
Location: a Westside park close to the 10 freeway and Overland Ave
Tuition: 20.00 dollars per class (if finances are an issue, just contact me)
Contact me for further information and to confirm your attendance