My father, Patrick Hannon, was a man who showed me the value of commitment. When he said he would do something, it was done. I do not ever remember hearing him offer any kind of excuse about why he was late, why he didn’t replace what he said he would etc. He kept his word. He backed his word with action. He was trustworthy. He was the epitome of, “if you want to learn about a man, watch what he does.”
He operated in a culture that recognized and acknowledged that looking into a man’s eyes and shaking hands on an agreement was all you ever needed. A sacred masculine bond was forged. If either party fell through on their end of the bargain, the consequence was that he was never dealt with again and his reputation, as a man who could be trusted, was deeply tarnished. When both men kept their word, the results of the agreement were the benefits, instead of the previously mentioned consequence. This way of holding commitments goes a long way to keep general order in the community. Needless to say, this way of being was simple and led to an overall refreshing sense of freedom. The men you could count on naturally stuck together. The families of those men were also close and the community that held them ultimately benefited.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines in part:
• Commitment = a pledge to do something; the state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action
• Commit= to bind or obligate
• Pledge= a formal promise to do something
The other day, some men and I were talking about the general lack of commitment we see in the words and actions of people all around. For me, it has gotten to the point that I am surprised when someone does keep their word… instead of it being the other way around.
Commitments are a way to demonstrate who you are to everyone around you. Making a commitment points to an ability / desire to:
• take a stand.
• take ownership.
• plant your flag.
• draw a line.
• take responsibility.
Also very important to mention is that you are also taking a stand when you clearly state that you cannot / will not, make a commitment.
Look at the leaders of our country. Members of the House and Senate, and the President, are elected based on what they say they will do. They are called Campaign promises. Then when we see that they do not keep their word they come up with some story / excuse why they couldn’t deliver on their promise. Usually they blame someone else. What a shame. Instead of us all benefiting with their examples of commitment we deal with the consequence of knowing they cannot be trusted. Makes me wonder where else in their lives this may be showing up…?!
Types of commitments or things you give your word about:
• marriage vows
• paying a promissory note
• to care for our children from birth to adulthood.
• committing to a 4 year college curriculum
• returning borrowed items
• professional and personal commitments to honor confidentiality
• to tell the truth on the witness stand and in legal documents
• armed services vow or pledge
• Hippocratic oath
These are some of the bigger commitments we make in life and the consequences for breaking your word here have some sting. A promissory note not paid means you will lose your car or your house….ouch!
When it comes to how I have shown up in my own life with the big life commitments listed above:
• I did not do so well with my marriage vows as I have been divorced for 14 years.
• I am taking ownership of my promissory note
• I took responsibility for my children
• I take a stand to honor confidentiality
• I drew a line for my college education
• I have planted my flag on telling the truth
There are also smaller commitments that are often not honored. I call them smaller because there are fewer or no teeth to enforce them.
In reality, a commitment *is* a commitment no matter how big (many teeth) or small (fewer if any teeth). This starkly real reminder offers the instant course correction possible of asking, did you commit or not? And if you did, did you follow through and meet your commitment, or not?.
Admittedly, there have been times where I have slid by on my word. I may not have been challenged and there wasn’t much of an obvious sting, but on some level those choices to slide took a chunk out of the structure of who I am as man and in some cases continue to leave an ache in my gut…
At this time in my life, I have tools, integrated core principles and other men in my life to help to keep me accountable to my commitments. When I make commitments now, I do it with choice, ease, clarity and peace of mind. Then it is easy to do what it takes to deliver that commitment.
I know I cannot change Congress nor can I change the people in my life who have not kept their word to me. But what I can do is to change my relationship to my word.
What if all men kept their word and their commitments and then backed them with action? What if we were all known as men who operated with clarity, choice and took a stand?
As a result, do you think:
• that other men would trust us? YES!
• that woman would trust and then open up to us? YES!
• we would be an example to children, like my father was to me? YES!
• that our community would thrive? YES!
YES, YES and YES!
I am sure that when man stands up and owns his masculine essence, takes responsibility for his actions, holds his commitments as sacred and plants his flag flying the banner of honor and integrity that these are results well worth fighting for!
Please don’t leave without posting your comments!