4 nights ago, I made a commitment to Charu that I would show up to do a daily practice of the Osho Chakra Breathing Meditation with her in order to support us in moving through some sticky and uncomfortable layers we are currently experiencing in our relationship.
We have found ourselves quite annoyed at each other and very often at the same time. Hard to believe, right?! I mean, we’ve been together now for very nearly 7 years so all this should be e-a-s-y, right?! And, there is only so much I can blame on Venus in transit…or Mercury being in retrograde and blaming Charu isn’t getting me anywhere either…hmmmm.
So, my plan? It’s basic – it’s not new – it’s always best but seldom done because frankly, it’s hard work:
- → Less talk — * more Dynamic Moving* to get me, and her, into our bodies so we will talk less and shake it *ALL* up in hopes that we can then see what the truth is underneath and obscured by all the stories and the nonsense of our words which ultimately get in the way and support me to believe that I am right. Anyone relating with me yet!?
I chose this particular 1 hour meditation because it is powerful and because it would challenge me. It is dynamic…..I perspire…it takes work. I can often think of so many other things to do in it’s place, that will really only distract me from growing.
Even while caught up in the awareness of feeling nauseous, tired, achy, dried up, headachy, befuddled and grumpy….it was still clear: I was fueling an amazing process of resistance to the possibility of something new and I was I looking for a way out.
It’s clear that I was sooooo attached to, and mentally masturbating, some deep story / complaint resulting in my very real choice to continue to feel lousy and stand directly in my own way of fully embracing the intimate connection just waiting directly in front of me! Funny how I can see others doing exactly the same thing….and today, it was my turn in the barrel.
And through it all, Charu was being so lovely and sympathetic. She could tell I wasn’t feeling well. I could have gotten away with putting this practice off….but I said I would be there. My drive toward commitment was emboldened by a few clichés:
- One step in front of the other…
- I’ll deal with whatever comes up next, when it comes up…
- As they say, it’s about the journey, not the destination…
The practice was no fun right from the beginning. It was as if I was wading hip high through mud…
Halfway through the practice, I actually began to choke and gag. My first thought was to stop. My mind jumped in: If I kept choking then I couldn’t breathe and that’s not good, right?…if I was gagging, I might vomit, right?
Despite the questioning voices in my head tempting me to slow down or quit, my body fought back and risked the choking and vomiting anyways. So what! F**k it! Isn’t this why I paid extra for this kind of carpeting?
I just stayed with the practice and the dynamic breathing. The choking and gagging soon subsided. The practice continued. I began to feel better. My body felt lighter and the slogging through the mud was replaced with an easy stride on dry land.
I allowed my eyes to open for a few moments and I saw Charu standing across from me doing the same practice with what looked like the same 100% commitment. She looked like an interesting combination of soft feminine deliciousness with a definite wildness and ferocity. Yeah, I know…lucky me.
The practice ended and it was time for integration. We stripped down to our bare skin, reflecting for me the stripping away of my stories and nonsense, and she laid her soft warm body on top of mine. We rested together very quietly and without a word we began to breathe alternately. I inhaled on her exhale….my exhale was her inhale. A mindless fusing of our bodies and our souls effortlessly preparing us for our coupling in lovemaking.
In the end, it is clear: I showed up with my commitment to my word… to the 100% participation to the practice… and for our relationship success. Even when I didn’t want to.
As a result, I had gotten far enough out of my own way and found the intimate communion that I intuitively know is always waiting there for me and offering me a chance to get the f**k out of my own way and show up.
In this showing up, the Best of Me was dusted off and had a chance to be seen and to shine. This is what Charu wants from me….this is where she can meet me with more of herself!
From the strength and light of the power of Truth, the voices and temptations of the stories and nonsense fade away like rats scurrying away into the shadows and in return, relationship has another rich moment in time to flourish and nourish.
I win…Charu wins…and the world smiles back in grateful approval.
Thank you for reading…I invite and welcome your comments.
Let your voice be heard!
Wait… So, your carpet is vomit resistant? Thank you Martin for an open window in the world of a challenging, evolving relationship. What do you when your stories and ego are at a crossroads with your beloveds? I guess you can argue, deflect, detach, attempt to manipulate, and ignore…. Or you can try something different… Sounds constructive…. You two practice what your preach – kudos!
Much Love,
Eric
beautiful! thank you for sharing your vulnerability and the juiciness on the other side
Yes! Committment, movement, and passion – oh so crucial in these times – there’s a lot going on, and I commend you for moving through it, and sharing the journey. =)
Power on, and Much love to Charu,
Mathias
As always Martin, your commitment to Charu, and hers to you, and your generous sharing of lessons learned and in process, is a gift gratefully received and cherished.
<3
Powerful brother. Thank you for the insight on this front. I’ve been working more directly with specific intentions in my daily practice and find myself facing pain, nausea, unusual discomfort and physical weakness around certain ones. This gives me a new perspective on that and a new drive to stick with the process through the discomfort.