Beyond the physical act of just “putting the thing inside the thing” there exists a very real potential where, under a canopy of honoring, intimacy, reverence and respect, the intimate meeting of Man and Woman can reach powerful and uncharted depths.
I had a private client yesterday (who agreed that it was ok for me speak about this) who admitted the awareness of being very angry with a recent ex girlfriend WHILE he was having sex with a new partner! It never occurred to him that while she was opening herself up to him, like a gift, he was moving inside of her and irresponsibly and disconnectedly putting all that anger, darkness and dis-ease *INTO* her!
Which brings me to this point where I am saying this, and more, OUT LOUD to all men…and I’m feeling pretty fired up! After reading this blog, no longer will you be able to sheepishly say:
• I never heard this
• I didn’t know
• No one ever told me
• It’s *just* sex…
If you men want to live in ignorance…don’t read any further. *But* before you go, AND in case you need a reminder, sex is not just about you….right?! Let’s take just another moment, before you check out, to consider the other living, breathing, feeling human being involved here…You do know who I am talking about here, don’t you?
When will you abandon the context that considers her just a tasty, pretty meat suit into which you mindlessly masturbate!?
Instead of that narrow, demeaning, devaluing, constricting and shockingly embarrassing context, can you possibly dig deeper to see more of Her and take on and embrace the inarguable Truth that:
• this woman that you are with is the most powerful creature on the planet!
• this woman is someone’s “special?” What this means is that She IS special, and if not to you yet, She is to someone else!
She is someone’s special:
• daughter
• sister
• mother
One day, if you are lucky, you will be a father to a beautiful daughter. Or maybe you already have one. She will be your special little girl. This little girl will grow up and live an adult life. Do you want her to be approached and adolescently pawed at like an inanimate object or would you rather have for her to be relished and honored, like a Goddess, by Man who is in his power and wants nothing to do with possessing her or taking anything from her?! Now it hits home a little bit, doesn’t it!?
As boys, we are taught many things around responsibility like:
• Don’t play with a loaded firearm
• Don’t use power tools when standing in water
• Don’t drink and drive
The irresponsible use of guns, tools and cars have very real and often dire consequences.
Yet, where was the education from our elders that told us how to use our penises. No one ever told me that:
• there exists an opportunity for deep and profound connection when the penis penetrates and is accepted into the vagina.
• there also exists very real and dire consequences for the misuse of this fleshy organ that often seemed to have a mind of its own.
Woman is a natural receiver. Man is a penetrator. Never mind the procreative aspect here, have you ever considered what it is that you energetically deposit inside of her? As opposed to gifting her love, caring, honoring, warmth and openness, do you callously and thoughtlessly deposit fear, dis- ease or distress?
If you show up:
• sideways in your context
• if you have an agenda
• if you are using her
• or if you are approaching her in any way other than from reverence, honor and integrity
…………….it is a guaranteed result that you will do some form of damage.
Like a stone dropped in a body of water, the ripple created will reach shores beyond the line of sight only to affect her and others around her for who knows how long. Even worse, let’s imagine that other men have deposited their own rotting debris into her and now her feminine essence has been diminished just* that much more.*
With her feminine essence like a dimmer bulb on its lower settings:
• She may be prone to bouts of unexplained depression.
• She may be moody and dark.
• She may withdraw and be frightened.
…..If you ask me, this is a true crime. We all lose when this happens.
Have you ever wondered why a woman will cry for no obvious reason while in the middle of lovemaking? You can ask what’s wrong and she will not have an answer. She is quite possibly releasing some unconscious bit of her that was placed there by someone else. It may even be something she has carried as Woman from many generations past reminiscent of all the ways Man has abused his power with Her.
My client from yesterday is a good man. He was just ignorant. Ultimately, he meant no harm. He was just looking for connection and love like all of us are doing. One of the problems was that he brought the part of him to her that was using her for his needs. He brought the little boy that had his feelings hurt long ago and who had learned that sex was equivalent to love and while grieving the loss of recent past relationship he felt the anger of being 50 years old and still acting like a little boy. (Just so you know…I am not a professional here. I am just supposing as I envision all the Jungians and Freudians out there sharpening their dissection implements!)
What I do feel very clear on is this. What if this man chose to not date for awhile as he worked out his anger issues? Wouldn’t that go a long way towards unwittingly doing any more damage? Also, during this time he could get the help and council of other men. Further, he could discover and strengthen the parts of him that will step out into the world as a man who:
• knows who he is
• where he is going
• and what he will fight for.
From this new space of clarity and calm:
• He can see the possibility of, for one thing, his penis being an instrument of clear connection and not a tool for unconscious and destructive deposits.
• He can see that making love can be an opportunity to meet Woman in an open space where the deliciousness of only the absolute present moment exists.
• He can hold the context of honor and reverence for her being the most powerful creature on the planet.
• He can hold a space that is safe and secure for her to open and reveal her true and unlimited feminine essence
• He can love her so hard that whatever pain she is unconsciously holding onto is absolutely released
• He can understand that her opening up to him is a gift and that she takes a tremendous risk in doing so
• He can be grateful that she offers to him “Heaven on Earth” in his being, and offering, of honor and reverence.
Each of us is just one man. Yes, we have all left some damage in our wake. *Today* we can choose to do it all differently. What if each of us only approached Woman when we were clear, calm and connected to our open heart?! Just think of the possibilities! Can you imagine what a difference on this planet we all would enjoy?!
And by the way, I am not just talking about Man in a long term relationship here. Any intimate connection carries with it the inherent possibility of deep relating, honoring and care. From the one night stand to the long term relationship. Everybody wins!
I do not stutter when I see as very possible all men showing up strong and clear as Man… and Woman feeling safe and secure to open like a fragrant lotus bloom so that she freely express herself in all the ways that the wondrous feminine spirit does… I will fight for this. I feel this deeply as an advocate for high quality relationship!
I have said it OUT LOUD. You men cannot say you never heard this before. No more claiming ignorance. Stand up or sit down…
This will take some practice, as anything worth doing does, and this is where the Sunday Men’s Circle comes into play. We meet nearly every week here in Los Angeles and use simple yet dynamic techniques to awaken the body (to get us out of our heads!) and then we use exercises to build the foundation on which you develop your Core Masculine Principles and live a life of ease and grace.
**I invite your comments. Let your voice be heard!!**