It’s just a sense of “Fuck it!”

When I was growing up, my father used to challenge me, often loudly, angrily and passionately, when I made poor decisions.

“Where are your brains?!?!…What were you thinking!?!?”

Usually I had done something that was irrational or “technically” unsafe. Because I was being chastised and also because I didn’t have the awareness to say it out loud (for which I would have needed courage too), the underlying motivating factor behind the decision in question was always just a sense of “Fuck it!” I must have been operating from Fuck it! quite often given the frequency this conversation occurred…

Anyways, I believe I made those Fuck it! decisions from youthful and blissful ignorance. It also took some high level degree of courage to step forward toward action while my body was internally screaming at me in excitement and fear as no doubt I rubbed up perilously close to testing Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection! I just loved feeling my entire body vibrating and sometimes even quaking.

In retrospect, I was feeling ALIVE!

Unfortunately, the scoldings and ways I was berated for my actions, put a cap or lid on further fully experimenting with all that aliveness. I was also not receiving the benefit of having the parental understanding that, as a little boy, I was just doing my job by pushing the edges of my personal envelope just to see how far I could go. I was left to my own limited and uninformed resources as to why my decisions were not good as the hard won experience and lessons of my parents were not imparted to me. “Stupid” or “jackass” were the labels / feedback I had to deal with.

To me, the world was a huge and unfamiliar place. It became unsafe for me especially considering I had no idea who I was at that time and only just aware of the excitement and then consequence or rewards for my actions I learned to become quieter so I wouldn’t draw attention to myself. I felt myself getting serious and introspective. I was feeling less alive in the ever smaller envelope I found myself in.

I’ll venture a guess that I am not alone in how I learned to dumb down my aliveness to fit in, to get along and avoid discomfort. Many of us arrived at this less alive way of being, by our own unique means, but something happened that put that cap or lid down.

When was the last time you operated from just a sense of Fuck it!?

Where is the freedom to just be? What happens to our vital aliveness when we are trapped in our heads analyzing all the ways something could go wrong or right?? Analysis to paralysis comes to mind!

Of course, the blissful ignorance of youth is not ours to enjoy anymore. Our stakes in life are larger now. We have the opportunity to live life with ease and clarity. The ideas that we are no longer invulnerable have opened a door for us to operate from a mature knowing of who we are instead of from the brashness of our youth. As adults, we have to make a dizzying array of decisions that have benefits and consequences.

At the most basic level, we have figured that we can make decisions by drawing from unlimited resources including:

• common sense
• informal / formal education
• past experience
• future projection
• the “stories”
• personal values
• ego
• personal agenda
• fear of judgements from others

…. and many other ways

I suggest that the head is involved with all of these above listed ways we use to make decisions about life’s issues. However, common sense and personal values are an exception since they can also inform us from our gut….or our natural intuition or truth.

I know now when I am deciding a course of action, from a higher level of awareness, I listen more to my gut. Over time, I have seen the value of just going with my truth and the volume of that voice is clear and strong. It also is very simple.

I have also learned that when I have used my head, (future projection, ego, fear of judgement, personal agenda), than that decision is excruciatingly difficult to finally make. I actually thought I was being smart by having so many ways to look at the issues. Unknowingly, I was being distracted and pulled apart by relying on so much input. I ultimately felt scattered and unsure…certainly not the best way to come from as a man.

Casualties of being scattered were loss of aliveness, not being present in the moment, decreased ability to connect with others, no connection to my body and life felt complicated. If I am not showing up strong, clear, simple and in my truth for myself, how can I ever show up with someone else?!

My gut has been invaluable to me in many decisions in my life. From here, courage in action is easily accessed. Just operating from a place of Fuck it! has ( in part) :

• given me the freedom to fully express myself as the best father I can be to Lauren and Jeffrey.
• allowed me to let go of the fear of what may be revealed when the bright light of Tantra illuminates those deep and dark places in me
• allowed me to trust another man’s word about attending the Sterling Men’s Weekend 10 years ago
• opened the door to being in a powerfully intimate relationship with Charu by me posing the question, “How Dangerous is an Open Heart?”
• plunged me headlong into starting the Men’s Tantra Circle
• pushed me passed the barrier of my fear of failure when starting or continuing with any new project.

Because of this sense of just Fuck it!, I do have an aliveness coursing through my being. I used to play with explosives, weapons, drugs / alcohol, sex and other high risk type activities to only then *intermittently* feel the same as I feel *all the time* now!

So now you want to know how Tantra and having Core Masculine Principles can help you to operate from a sense of Fuck it!…right?

Tantra uses sound, breath and movement to awaken the body…the deep and dark parts are shaken up and allowed to shift providing new and more space to be awakened and again feel the natural vital aliveness that is your birthright.

The joy of reawakened childlike aliveness that had you vibrating and quaking is once again allowed to move freely into all areas of your intimate, social and business adult life. This Vital Aliveness is easily recognized, cultivated and embraced as a way of being all the time!

Having integrated Core Masculine Principles allows you the freedom from mental analysis / paralysis and effortlessly drops you into your gut….your core ….your truth so you occur clear, strong and at ease and with that clarity walk through life with one hand on your heart and the other hand on your balls.

Being this man who is Vitally Alive and connected to his body / gut, opens the door for your woman to trust you, for your children to look up to you and for you to navigate within your community providing powerful leadership, richness and value.

You can say Fuck it! and show up to the next Men’s Tantra circle this Sunday, October 3rd where I lead a weekly circle of men. We use simple Tantric techniques to get us into our bodies and also discuss Core Masculine Principles I identify that, when integrated, allows man to operate with ease, with powerful clarity in life and experience the magnificence of woman.