More women… more money… faster cars… Now what??!! So what??!!
Most men will ask those questions at some point in their lives, some men more than once. There will be a time, as it happened with me in my late thirties / early forties, where I asked aloud, “Now what…So What?!” My spirit was restless and bored. I have another 50 years left on this planet…Now what?! Since I did not yet know about crafting a Higher Purpose for my life,(a very valuable and absolutely necessary tool for men) like a bloodhound, I put my nose to the trail that seemed to naturally and innately lead me toward going deeper in relationship with woman. Going deeper…How do I do that? What does “that” look like?!
I always knew there was something “more” even as I had been blessed with the opportunities to be with some amazing women. Truly wonderful women… and in two cases, with the kind of women that at the time I did not deserve to be with. Honestly, with those rare women, I was not showing up. I was probably showing off (ouch!). Being completely out of my integrity comes to mind immediately. It is very clear to me, knowing what I know now, that I fucked up.
However, all in all, my sex life was lush, rich, hot, nasty and frequent. I was the man men would go to for the latest and newest ultimate sex story that would leave them at once roaring aloud and with their mouths agape.
The story I couldn’t tell those men because there wasn’t a listening for it and / or because I couldn’t articulate it was that, on few occasions while having sex I had also experienced a richness and aliveness (Love? Oneness? Deep Connection?) that filled my heart… really my entire being… with something “more” that I couldn’t put my finger on. It’s as if something opened up and I experienced a rush of energy and warmth that I actually felt for days after. Quite a different and rare experience instead of the usual almost routine sex that was just over and then moving on to the next thing.
This is the track where I set my bloodhound nose. I wanted to sniff out exactly where I could experience this richness and aliveness every day….all the time! I no longer, like a dumbass, wanted to just mindlessly fall backwards into this. I was done with more women, more money and faster cars. Been there…done that! Before I die, I will have more! I then set an intention to do the work necessary to be in a powerfully intimate relationship with an aware woman.
This was exciting new territory. I began studying Tantra along with continuing with my regular weekly Men’s work. One of my first Tantra books was “Jewel in the Lotus”, which continues to be my most favorite, by Sunyata Saraswati and Bodhi Avinasha, defines Jewel in the Lotus as:
“Male within Female
Enlightenment Made Manifest
Om Mane Padme Hum”
Hmmmm….I couldn’t completely grasp all of this but it got my attention. Then I was told a story, a metaphor for relationship that helped me understand. It gave me something to work with. It still does. This story of the jewel that stands strong in the center of a beautiful lotus bloom providing the safe and secure environment for that lotus bloom to remain open. The Jewel is man; solid, brilliant, the penis. The Lotus bloom is woman; open, receptive, the vagina. This made sense. For me, it was simple and therefore opened an understanding and sensitivity for what was possible.
At one end of the spectrum, man can experience this open space with woman, while providing that safe secure environment, at any time. It can occur in almost all situations except very intense legal and / or business situations where this is generally not possible. In these cases, the context of personal connection is at the bottom of the chart. However, any other time you as man show up strong and authentic, woman will notice and begin to open up. Any opening is golden and in those moments, connection has occurred. “I think we had a connection” is not an uncommonly heard sentence. Then, the possibility for more exists.
The other end of the spectrum of what is possible allows for deep connection on the most intimate of levels. A more visceral way to look at this is when man physically enters woman. If he is absolutely conscious and loving, he has the capacity to open woman to her true magnificence. Together they can enter into a realm of pleasure that has a power and magnitude few (if any) other human experiences offer.
The man who knows who he is, who operates powerfully in life from an integrated foundation of strength, honor, integrity and reverence for woman is reaping the copious rewards of the awareness and sensitivity of what is possible when being the Jewel in the Lotus.
• If you are looking for “more”
• If your spirit is restless
• If you are asking, “Now what…So what!?…”
…then it is time to come to the Men’s Tantra Circle.
There is no stronger or safer place for a man than in a circle of men who are committed to raising their game. Here we unabashedly and carefully shine a light on the areas of our lives, and in relationships, that are working well and not working so well. We all benefit by our full participation.
I am not the only man who has struggled with all this. Nor am I the only man who has figured some of this out. I invite you to freely comment here. Let your voice be heard. I welcome all your comments.