I was asked recently by several men what I thought of the “Dear Woman” video worming its way through you tube and through emails with subject headings such as “This made me cry…pass it on.”
I was able to appreciate the first moments of the video since it began as a letter being read aloud: “Dear women, we stand before you today as men committed to becoming more conscious in every way. We feel a deep love, great respect, and a growing sense of worship for the gifts of the feminine. We also feel a great sorrow about the destructive actions of the unconscious masculine in the past and present. (So far so good..) We want to apologize and make amends for those actions today.”….. What?!
It continues: “I may not have done these things myself, but I am aware of the forces of the unconscious masculine psyche that feel threatened by and then seek to dominate the feminine”…. (by definition, how can you have an awareness, especially a third person awareness, of something that is unconscious!?) …
“Many of the men who have oppressed you or abused you are no longer alive…” (oh, good…this is where some of these men start to take responsibility for their own actions…I could re-engage here… ) “Among the living, many men may not be able to apologize because they remain shackled in a prison of anger, fear and shame.”
I feel absolutely incredulous here…and yet, there is more: “On behalf of my gender, I apologize to you for our unconscious actions when we were angry, scared and in the destructive forces of our psyche.”
Really? Are you kidding me? Did I ask you to apologize for me…oh, but wait, this must mean I am “shackled in a prison of shame” unlike you who are not?! Where are YOU…all 50 men in this video who are so sincerely, yet disconnectedly, apologizing for the actions of others?
Where are YOU and YOUR *own* apology for what YOU have done that has hurt woman?! Just because you produce and / or speak in a video that dares to apologize for me and others, does this absolve you of that responsibility or opportunity?
The following would go a long ways toward connecting me to this video, and to the deeper possibility of actually achieving what it wants:
• I would like to hear where YOU have fucked up and what YOU are doing *now* to assure that YOU honor the value and richness of Woman and by those actions, YOU are then an example to other men of all ages. *This is where the world can adjust*.
“Be the change YOU want to see in the world”… Ghandi (the caps are my emphasis)
You see, you 50 self proclaimed “conscious” men stir the pot but offer nothing but words, tear jerking violin music, beautiful photos of wildlife and nature but say nothing about what YOU will do.
Here’s an example of what I mean and I’ll make this very real and very personal: I have been asked if I have ever cheated while in a committed relationship with a woman. Many years ago, I did. At the time, beyond knowing I was breaking my word to a wonderful woman who was completely faithful to me, I never realized the full depth of the damage I was creating while selfishly thinking only of myself….and then it happened….unfortunately way too late, the bright lights came on and I glaringly saw the carnage right in front of me that I created of:
• the deep and profound mistrust she would now have to work through for every man that would come after me
• how I stepped on and squished all the gifts she lovingly gave to me
• how I robbed her of irreplaceable, precious and valuable time where she could have been with someone else who would have fully valued her
• how, with my penis, I continuously polluted and diminished the beauty of her feminine essence by depositing into her a muck of dark energy comprised of not only the nonsense of my infidelity, but the other woman’s too.
….and I am absolutely sure there is more that I cannot identify.
I apologize. I am sorry…I hurt you and I fucked up. It still feels so shitty to know I did this. I have wanted to apologize to you, in person for nearly 10 years and I completely understand you do not want to hear from me.
And since those bright lights came up, I am a man who is true to the word I have given to my Beloved for the last over 6 years that says “I am with only you” and further congruent with that statement comes:
• I will not pollute your feminine essence
• I will not waste your time
• I do value your precious gifts
• And, I am a man you can trust
My Beloved will do whatever she does with this. There is no “in order to”…there is no agenda or attachment. This is, very simply, who I am. And it is my hope that my past experiences will be an example for other men of what not to do as they struggle with keeping their word.
The 50 “conscious” men in this video take turn apologizing for the rape, murder, abuse, burning, the buying and selling of sexual pleasure, being barred from political and religious office, relegation of women to subservient chores etc….and then lay the blame of wars and their destruction, a justice system without “heart” (!?!?), global economics that do not care for all and the disruption of the natural rhythms and sanctity of the earth on the unconscious masculine. After these hollow apologies and the subsequent broad brush blame, you then attempt to right these wrongs with flowery and distant words of:
• I honor the spirituality of the divine feminine…..
• I honor your deep connection to the earth…
• I chose to no longer contribute to and no longer be run by the destructive forces of our masculine psyche…
• I commit to listening to your intuitive sense…
• I take a stand against any form of enforced or soulless commercialization of women’s beauty…
So what will this look like? I mean really. How will any of us know when this is accomplished? These are completely “airy fairy” ethereal words that are very “feelings” based and as such cannot be qualified or quantified and are therefore very difficult to assess either their success or failure.
Yes, I am approaching this from the masculine perspective of using data and logic. This is what men do. This is what this man does because it works for me. By the way, my woman loves that I have this masculine way of being and feels completely safe to express her feminine feelings. This provides for us a balanced and full way of approaching life without either one of us ever apologizing or disconnecting from our vital and opposite yet viscerally attracting essences. Remember how it so important to have very strong polarizing masculine and feminine energies in relationship. Quite candidly, it is *this* that gets him hard and it is *this* that gets her wet…without *this* you are “friends.”
So back to the 50 “Conscious” men…most regrettably, I just cannot “feel” your connection to your words. With few exceptions this was a video of 50 disconnected, disembodied talking heads. You appear very distant when apologizing for what other men have done, past and present, and then come up with a Manifesto that is ethereal.
You are calling out to Woman and letting her know it is safe…but you are forgetting to bring your BALLS with you!
Man cannot, and should not, ever disown the pieces of us that make us men…. Men with Balls.
In part, it is who we are as Man:
• To be competitive
• To have goals and be directed
• To use data, results and evidence to assess life
• To acquire territory ( either geographically like your home or intellectually as in the arena of career )
• To fight for and to protect our territory, like our country and our communities, which hold our families, children and loved ones
How exceptional we are as men will determine how close to the front of herd we are. In the animal kingdom which so often and simply parallels our own lives, there exists the strongest, the fastest and the smartest bulls at the front of the herd. The females are always watching these bulls and from there, they select their mates. The strongest females are attracted to and then select the strongest males which quite naturally assures stronger offspring and a longer and more secure / better life for the herd.
With the human animal, it is the same. How exceptional can Man be if we are tempted to disassociate ourselves from our natural masculine essence? For example, if we lose ourselves in the process of succumbing to the temptation to please women or to make them feel better for something we individually haven’t done, we rightfully take our places at the rear with the other lost and confused creatures who are then picked off as the meals for their natural predators.
We are equal, but NOT the same, and thank you to God or whoever else is responsible for that!! I strive toward being exceptional. The man I am is driven to excel and if we are not aligned or together *and* you are in my way, I will move around, under, over or through you to get there. I believe this way of being separates me from the feminine way of being. I own this drive…this way of being, and inclusive with this drive, is my heart and compassion for others. I am not afraid of the power of Woman. Long ago, I used to be. But no longer. Fully owning my balls, I not only invite every shred of the feminine essence but also relish the nuances of her power that I will never understand.
I truly believe that when Man fully, unapologetically and unabashedly shows up driven in his life with one hand on his heart and the other on his balls, responsibly wielding his Masculine power and essence, then Woman will feel safe enough to not only come out, but stay out with us, and together we can accomplish whatever it is that we cannot do alone. She has had too many years where Man has done truly terrible things to her in so many ways. Her light has been diminished and the world and humanity is less than because of it.
Here’s some good news and I believe your video has value for many reasons:
• there will be many women who needed to hear what you say and may take a risk in opening a door to man
• it has sparked this conversation, and others, bringing to light a new paradigm of relationship
• you present an enrolling and larger vision for what is possible.
We cannot do anything about the past nor can we singularly affect current international political and economic relationships but there is so much YOU can do in YOUR world …with the women and children in front of YOU…. *right now*… while connected to the Truth that exists in YOUR body ( not your head ).
This is a calling to Man. I hope you are listening…When Woman takes the risk to open up to YOU and the world, it is up to YOU to be the best Man YOU can be. Be EXCEPTIONAL! This will naturally and effortlessly pave the way for Woman to open more thereby absolutely compelling Man to show up even more exceptionally. You can see the upward trajectory possible yes?!
I believe this is more possible for Man when he knows:
• who is
• where he is going
• and what he will fight for
(because *just* being “Conscious” isn’t quite enough )
From that clarity, He will move authentically in the world from his intuitive masculine power with ease and grace… one hand on his heart and the other on his balls, and experience the magnificence of Woman!
If you want to be an exceptional man, it takes practice and commitment. Anything worth doing takes time and this is where the weekly Sunday Men’s Circle comes into action. We meet here in Los Angeles and use simple yet dynamic techniques to awaken the body (getting us out of our heads!) and then we use exercises to build the foundation on which you develop your Core Masculine Principles which answer the nagging questions that hold you back from living a life of ease and grace.
**I invite your comments. Let your voice be heard!!**