Around 8 years ago, I took my first Tantra weekend workshop. By then, I had figured out that I wanted to try something new. I had done relationship in a certain way which led to predictable and ultimately unsatisfactory outcomes. I wanted something different and felt this workshop would get me there.
During this workshop, I was unexpectedly “cracked open.” I felt as if I had been hit with a sledge hammer and then run over by a truck. I was oozing messily out and into the world around me. It was not pretty. I had lost some semblance of control (gasp!) and I was far from being comfortable. I had been taken out of my head and put in my body where I saw and experienced much of the shame and hurt I had, for so many years, skillfully stuffed way down in the deep dark just so I could cope. I have since come to realize that in life, I had been merely surviving… instead of thriving.
The brochure that advertised this weekend used easy and enrolling words like “embracing, releasing, opening, discovering, breathing and dancing.” Yet I was feeling vulnerable, fearful and quiet….words not used in the brochure and words that, at that time, would not have typically been used to describe me.
I did not ask for this…I did not sign up for this. Nobody *warned* me. Even though I had done other “personal work” and the man who told me about this workshop was someone I trusted, I was still quite shaken.
Many in the group, with whom I shared this weekend, appeared to have fared better than I. At the end we were encouraged by the facilitators to continue the practice that we had been given which was intended to support each of us as we progressed. We also had the roster of participants and were encouraged to follow up with each other in the interest of building community. An opportunity to sign up for the more advanced classes was also offered.
This is one situation where I got what I needed and not what I wanted. What I *wanted* was the good food, the hot women and the massage (which my friend had told me about) and I didn’t mind some “dancing, releasing and opening” to get what I wanted! However, what I *needed* was to see, and have an actual, in my body experience, of how being shut down, controlling and tight was getting in the way of being my authentic self.
Here was the opportunity, cleverly disguised as dis – ease and discomfort, to see that I was getting exactly what I needed and while this was happening, there was a safe space created by the facilitators and participants to *hold* not only me, but the few others that were also challenged.
Historically, I was one to direct and to control to get what I wanted. However, I have realized that when I am open, quiet and in the moment, something new then has a chance to reveal itself. To release that drive to get what I want takes courage. It takes surrender. I acknowledge that courage within myself and especially in those around me. Through others, I can see how it is done when they show up unafraid, and even when they are afraid, their will and determination serves as an example for me when I am less than hearty.
Getting what I need can feel anywhere between terrific and terrible. It also has a way of having no boundaries. Getting what I want has limitations. I can see that getting what I want is usually time limited requiring further control or tightness in order to get more. Getting what I need is boundless and I am not the only one who benefits. I have a strong personality. I can affect what happens around me and to others. The experience of having expectations (being focused on what I want), is remarkably different than just showing up open and available to getting what is needed.
{Caveat: This applies best when in interpersonal relationships and NOT in the business world where there exists a whole other mindset that absolutely requires direction, focus and planning toward achieving results that must accomplished in order to (fill in the blank).}
Interestingly enough, in my zeal to get what I want, I am admitting that I did not trust that there was another force in motion that has what I need… just for me and just when I need it. What happened in that first workshop was exactly what I needed and I only got as much as I could handle…and it was excruciating. But through the challenge of the undoing of my old patterns and ways of being, I came out the other side softer, more open, less controlling and as a result found that my ability to do relationship was improved.
Also, getting what I want is mainly a mental process. I have to be in my head to discriminate and discern all the input that quantifies, qualifies and justifies the pieces of evidence I use to see if I am ultimately getting what I want. ( I’m getting a headache *just* thinking about this) and guess what? While in my head, exercising my superior mental masturbation skills, (in a much lessor moment so many years ago, I was told I “could analyze a grain of salt”….that stung…not good!) I am not in my body….I am not present to the moment…I am missing out on the cues, subtleties, nuances and signals that my body is experiencing. The way my body feels the rush and flow of vibrating aliveness is missed when I am in my head. My lover will miss out on the possibility of gifting me her energy and love, and also receiving mine, if I am trapped in my head wondering if I am getting what I want instead of being open (surrender) to what is needed for the connection to be rich, lustrous, invigorating and rewarding.
By the way, these Tantra workshops and the Men’s Circle, have a way of showing me a lot…consistently! Even today, I know I am in the undoing when my stomach starts to hurt, when my throat begins to tighten and my heart begins to ache as the energetic blocks that are holding me back from fully expressing myself are shifted, released or dissipated. This is what the breathing, the movement and the meditation are working on. Certainly, these are experiences I would not want. During those uncomfortable or even painful points, I can choose to make the workshop or Men’s Circle wrong and complain that I am not getting what I want or I can just breathe and trust that I am getting exactly what I need.
The Men’s Tantra Circle is a place where men get what they need. Often they arrive with one thing to explore because they have figured out that they want something. Fair enough. I get that. Then they find out there is more. In a safe and sacred space, men get to leave behind what no longer serves them which is often what is holding them back from experiencing the simplicity of getting what they need.
The Men’s Tantra Circle uses both Tantric techniques to awaken the body and exercises that support integrating Core Masculine Principles so that men move authentically in the world from their intuitive masculine power with a relaxed ease and open to embracing and experiencing the magnificence of Woman.
Come and experience the tremendous power available…
I wholeheartedly invite your comments…thank you!